


I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down

by larienelengasse



Category: J2 - Fandom
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Schmoop, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:58:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larienelengasse/pseuds/larienelengasse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were best friends, and then roommates, and then they became something else entirely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song by the same name by Elvis Costello, which was on heavy rotation when I wrote this. Sick!Jared and caretaking!Jensen.

This was sitting around on my hard drive for a little while, and I remembered it while walking across campus in the cold rain yesterday.

Hope you enjoy...

Title: I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down  
Chapter/part: 1/1  
Author: Larien Elengasse  
Rating: R for language and sexual situations.  
Fandom: J2  
Characters: Jared/Jensen.  
Word Count: 5,934  
Warnings: Shameless schmoop, snuggling, care-taking, touching, and some boy lovin’.  
Beta: none but me, myself, and I.  
Feedback: Would be much appreciated.  
Author’s note: Title from the song by the same name by Elvis Costello, which was on heavy rotation when I wrote this. Sick!Jared and caretaking!Jensen.  
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen belong to themselves and their loved ones – I’m just someone who thinks that they’re meant for each other.

Summary: They were best friends, and then roommates, and then they became something else entirely.

Life is complicated. This isn’t some new revelation that Jensen’s had, but it hits him square between the eyes nonetheless. He’s not sure what he and Jared have been doing, or not doing, but somehow when he wasn’t looking things changed. It’s been an evolution in their relationship that he can’t track; he can’t find that point or points where things went from friendship to whatever this is.

Actually, he knows what it is but it seems impossible and his mind can’t grasp it, even if his body and his heart are urging him in that direction. They haven’t acknowledged it yet, and Jensen’s not even sure if Jared is feeling what he’s feeling; but even if it isn’t exactly the same, Jared is definitely feeling something that’s not a simple friendship between two men.

Jensen’s awake and Jared’s asleep on his bed after coming home from a date with Geneieve. Jensen thought it was interesting that Jared never spent the night with her – he always came home. Jensen’s watching him sleep, like he’s been doing every morning for the better part of a month.

The night before, Jared had strolled in like he owned the place (well, he does, actually) kicked off his shoes and plopped down, crossing his ankles and folding his arms behind his head. Jared never talked about his dates and Jensen never talked about Danneel. Jensen found it interesting that no matter where they went, or whom they were with, they always ended up right back here, together. And neither one of them brought anyone home, ever. This place was theirs, alone.

Jared had watched shadows dancing on Jensen’s ceiling for a few moments then he had said, “What are you reading?”

“ _City of Glass_ ,” Jensen had answered.

“What’s it about?”

“It’s a murder mystery.”

“Is it good?”

“No, it sucks. I always spend my rare and valuable free time reading crappy books.”

Jared had snorted at that and then closed his eyes. “Wanna read it to me?” he’d playfully asked, his lips curved into a grin and a smile lighting his face.

“No,” Jensen had answered with a frown.

“Okay, then,” Jared had said, and then he didn’t leave for the rest of the night.

Jensen noticed that Jared slept on his stomach a lot, usually with his hands tucked underneath the pillow. His jeans and shirt were rumpled, as was his hair, and one sock was half on and half off. Jensen wondered if Jared was getting a cold because his breathing sounded different.

Yes, it occurred to him that it was odd that he knew what his best friend’s breathing should sound like.

Jared shifted his hips, wiggling like he was trying to burrow into the bed, and he drew a deep breath then stretched. Jensen watched as the one eye that he could see fluttered then cracked open a bit.

“Mornin’,” Jared said. His drawl was always more pronounced first thing, before he was totally awake.

“Good morning. You do have your own bed, you know,” Jensen answered. “I’m only saying this because I think it’s been awhile since you’ve seen it. I figured that maybe you forgot where it was.”

Jared smiled and Jensen felt the bottom of his stomach drop out.

“I know where it is,” he answered, his face still smushed into the pillows.

“Okay, just checking. Hey, are you drooling on my pillow? Because I don’t think you brushed your teeth last night and I just put clean sheets on the bed.”

“No,” Jared answered defensively, and then he checked. “Well, maybe a little. Sorry.” He wiped his mouth, then Jensen’s pillowcase. “Does it bother you that I sleep here? I’ll stop if it does.”

“No, I just . . . it’s . . . I don’t know, man. It’s kind of unusual, don’t you think?”

“I guess so,” Jared said as he pushed himself up a little and rolled to his side. “But it’s no more unusual than you letting me do it, or you watching me when I sleep." Jared paused and reveled in the way that color crept in to Jensen's cheeks. "Ah!” he barked and pointed his finger. “Don’t bother denying it. You watch me and you know it. I know it too.”

“It’s kind of hard not to, dude. I mean, you’re right there. It’s not like I’m trying to be creepy or anything.”

“It’s not creepy,” Jared answered. “I kind of . . . like it. Look, I know it’s not normal, whatever the hell that is, but it’s just you and me – it’s not like anyone knows.”

Jensen nodded a little. He wasn’t sure if that bothered him or not.

“Seriously, Jen. If you want me to sleep in my own bed, I will.”

Jensen avoided making a decision either way by changing the subject. “Breakfast?”

“Yeah. Out or in?”

“In. It’s raining.”

“It’s Vancouver.”

Jensen shoved at Jared. “You need to get out of here now.”

“Why? Did you fart?”

Jensen grimaced. “Dude… no. I’m not wearing anything.”

“You sleep naked?”

“Always have. You always sleep in your clothes?”

“Only since I’ve been sleeping here.”

“Get out so I can get up.”

“Yeah, okay. I gotta take the dogs out anyway.” Jared rolled over, pulled up his one errant sock, and climbed out of bed. Sadie and Harley perked up from their positions in Jensen’s doorway and gained their feet, snorting and shaking and wagging their tails.

“Hey, J?”

“Yeah?” he replied from halfway across the room.

“You might as well bring pajamas tonight.”

Jared smiled. “Okay.”

“No point in sleeping in your clothes – you might as well be comfortable, right?”

“Does this mean I can sleep under the covers?”

“One thing at a time, man.”

Jared laughed and left the room, dogs in tow.

* * * *

They made breakfast that morning, eggs and bacon with toast and hash browns, then worked out together in the den/home gym. After lifting weights, Jared went out for a run with the dogs after they finished. Jensen thought he was nuts for running in 60°, rainy weather when they had an expensive treadmill, but that was Jared – he was undaunted when it came to training. "Neither, wind, nor rain, nor sleet will keep me from my run!" Jared had called out as he left the house. Jensen had opted for the treadmill.

Jensen was comfortable on the couch; he had their next script in one hand and coffee in the other. The rain came down so hard it sounded like someone throwing handfuls of pebbles against the sliding glass door, and he looked up to watch it. The trees were swaying and bending and the wind and rain picked up. He thought about Jared running in such bad weather and he didn’t like it. For a split second, he considered going after him in his truck when he heard the garage door open and close, then the door leading in from the garage opened.

“Harley!” Jared shouted. “No. Sit. Sit, Sadie. That’s a good girl.”

“Need a hand?” Jensen asked, putting his coffee down and rising from the sofa. Jared was dripping wet himself and barely hanging onto Harley by the collar.

“Can you dry him off while I get Sadie?”

“Sure.” He tossed Jared one of the towels they kept by the door for just this purpose and grabbed the other one and set to work on a squirming, excited Harley. After assuring his paws and body were dry, Jensen set him free and watched him bound down the hallway, slipping a little on the hardwood before finding purchase on the carpet.

Sadie nosed Jensen as she trotted by, also happy to be home and dry, then ran in and jumped on Harley. Grunting and wrestling ensued, which always amused Jensen. He looked at Jared. “I’ll get you a clean towel and your robe so you don’t drip all over the place.”

“Thanks, man,” Jared answered, pulling off his wet skullcap and peeling off his soaked, skin-tight running shirt and tossing it to the side. It hit the washer with a wet slap.

Jensen ventured into Jared’s bedroom and found clean towels and his thick, terry robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door. When he returned to the garage, Jared was peeling off his wet socks and hanging them on the dryer. Jared accepted the towel and robe, and started drying his hair and chest.

Jensen watched Jared surreptitiously, pretending to watch the dogs when he thought Jared might be looking at him. It was hard not to stare outright at Jared’s glistening wet, muscled physique. He found himself thinking back to when Jared Padalecki was a long, lanky kid who he just met. This Jared was all grown up.

Jared’s running tights were Lycra, like his shirt; they were made for running in cold weather so they were skin tight and left nothing to the imagination, really. Jensen was sometimes envious of Jared’s body, and he was curious as to what it might be like to touch places on Jared that he’d never touched.

They'd given plenty of neck rubs and back rubs to each other before – not those slow sensuous ones you saw in the movies, either. No, these were knuckles and elbows digging into sore, knotted muscles that came from pushing themselves, and each other, to their limits in some weird testosterone-born contest. Jensen had to admit, he was often on the losing end, and Jared wasn't always a gracious winner.

Jensen had never fantasized about a man before, and he wasn’t sure if that’s what he was doing now, but he couldn’t deny that he was more than a little curious about how Jared's skin felt in places other than his back or shoulders.

When Jared reached for the waistband of his tights, Jensen snapped out of it long enough to beat a retreat to the living room before Jared was totally naked and he found himself in a position requiring an explanation as to why he was staring at him in that state. He placed Jared's wet running shoes on the hearth, next to the roaring fire he'd built, and returned to the sofa and picked up the script that he was reading when Jared came home.

“You’re nuts, you know,” Jensen said as Jared padded into the house barefoot and wrapped in his robe. “It’s storming like crazy out there and you go running.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Jared began as he was drying his hair with the towel, then he sneezed. “Really,” he finished.

“You getting sick? Because if you are—”

“Oh no you don’t,” Jared said. “You’re not getting out of our deal.”

“What deal?”

“That I’m sleeping with you, for real.”

“Wait. What?” Jensen asked, the color draining from his face. He felt his pulse kick into high gear.

“You said I could sleep in your bed with you, under the covers. You’re not getting out of that.”

“I don’t recall saying that you could sleep under the covers.” True to form for Jensen, deflection was his way of avoiding how nervous he was about this whole thing.

“Why don’t you just tell me that you don’t want me to? It’s obvious that you’re uncomfortable with it.” Jared walked into his bedroom.

Jensen buried his face in his hands. He might just have blown it, what ever ‘it’ was. “Are you mad?” he asked, as he rose from the sofa and followed Jared into his room.

“I’m not mad,” Jared said. “I mean, you’re right, it’s weird.”

“I didn’t say it was weird. I said it was unusual. There’s a difference.”

“Whatever. I’m a grown man, so are you, and I don’t need to be sleeping in your—” he sneezed, “bed.”

“You’re going to get sick. Get in the shower, and make it a hot one. I’m going to make you some soup for lunch. You need something warm in you.”

“Yes, mom,” Jared teased. Jensen snorted in response.

* * * *

By dinnertime, Jared’s protests that he was fine were losing some of their credibility. He was half-vertical, half-horizontal on the couch, in sweats, bundled in a blanket. Jensen had built a fire and was stirring the beef stew he had made in the crock-pot. He went into Jared’s bathroom, found the thermometer, cleaned it, and took it back into the living room.

“Open up,” he said.

Jared didn’t even protest. He opened his mouth and Jensen put the thermometer in. After a minute or so it beeped and Jensen pulled it out.

“102. That’s high.” Jensen picked up his cell phone.

“What are you doing?” Jared asked quietly.

“Calling April.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s no way you’re going to set tomorrow, not in this weather, not with that fever.”

“I might be better tomorrow. I’m a strong, healthy guy—” he started coughing.

“Yeah, you sound awesome.” Jensen walked into the kitchen. “Hey, April. It’s Jensen. Listen, Jared’s running a fever and— No, no. I don’t think he needs to go to the hospital. I can take him if he does. Yeah. Having the doc come here would be great. I know. We’ll be working triple overtime to make up for this. Tell him to call me if he starts giving you grief. Thanks, sweetie. You’re a peach.”

“Jen—”

“No arguments, J. You’re sick, you’re not working tomorrow, I’m staying home, and that’s that.”

“I was gonna ask if I could have some Gatorade.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. I’ll get it for you. You need to take some more aspirin anyway.”

“Grape would be awesome.”

“Grape it is.”

Jared coughed again and huddled deeper into the blankets. Jensen brought him a glass of deep purple Gatorade and two aspirin. “Thanks, Jen.”

“You’re welcome.”

“No, really. I mean, thanks for taking care of me.”

“It’s no trouble. I think you should go to bed after the doc sees you. You need some rest.”

“I’m not arguing,” Jared said as he blinked and rubbed his eyes. “I feel like shit.”

“You shouldn’t have gone running this morning in the rain. I told you not to.”

“I go running in the rain all the time.”

“Yeah but you weren’t breathing right last night and—”

“What? What do you mean I wasn’t breathing right?”

“You sounded funny, not like you normally do.”

A smile slowly began to spread on Jared’s face. “You know what my breathing sounds like?”

Jensen could not believe he had just admitted that. He rubbed his hand down his face, then offered a retort. “Shut up. You breathe loud, okay? I mean, Jesus, dude. You’ve been breathing near my ear every night for almost a month. I think I’ve heard it enough times by now to—”

“You listen. You listen to me breathe and you watch me sleep. You love me, Jen,” Jared said with a grin, then he coughed.

“The fever’s gone to your head, man.” Jensen headed for the kitchen before Jared could see the heat that he felt blooming on his cheeks.

“Me thinks you protest too much, sir,” Jared said, and then he started coughing harder.

“Me thinks you’ve lost your damn mind,” Jensen fired back as he pulled bowls from the cupboard.

“Whatever, dude,” Jared said in between coughs. “You’re smitten with me and we both know it. Deny all you want, but you lurve me.”

Jensen sat a bowl of stew in front of Jared. “Quit talking and eat. I need some peace.”

Jared didn’t respond, he just smiled then ate his dinner as Jensen fed the dogs.

* * * *

The doctor came and went, prescribing some medication and proclaiming that Jared had the flu and to call him again if things got worse. In the meantime, Jared was sentenced to a couple of days of rest, with plenty of fluids, and then he could return to work.

“Come on, Sasquatch,” Jensen said as he helped Jared up off the sofa.

“I think the doc was wrong. I’m feeling better…” Jared began, then he staggered.

“Whoa!” Jensen grabbed Jared around the waist. “Easy there, J.”

“I’m just a little light-headed…”

“Uh-huh. Come on, to bed with you.”

“Really, I can go to set tomorrow. I just need a good night’s sleep.”

“You're not going anywhere for a couple of days.”

“Well you should go. You could at least get your solo scenes done so you don’t have to make them up later.”

“We’ll see how you’re doing tomorrow.”

Jared’s cell phone rang.

“My phone—”

“I’ll get it after I get you into bed.”

“I love it when you’re bossy.”

“Shut up.”

Jensen tucked Jared in, rolling his eyes at all of Jared’s remarks about how sweet it was and how much he thought Jensen loved him. He then retrieved Jared’s phone and carried it into him. He glanced at the screen and saw that Genevieve had called. He couldn’t deny that it bothered him; he reluctantly admitted to himself that he felt jealous when saw her name.

He handed the phone to Jared. “Genevieve called.”

Jared placed the phone on the bedside table. “I’ll call her tomorrow. I guess this means our slumber party is cancelled. I mean, you don’t want to be—” he broke into a fresh bout of coughing. “woken up all night.”

“You okay here by yourself for a little while?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah. Why? Where are you going?”

“I’m going to run out to the store and fill your prescription for the cough syrup and decongestant. You’re going to break a rib if you keep this up.”

“Yeah, I’m good here alone.”

“Be right back.” Jensen headed for the kitchen, where he kept his car keys.

“Get some more Gatorade, and Popsicles!” Jared called. “I love popsicles when I’m sick,” he murmured to Sadie, whose snout was propped up on the bed. He reached out and gently rubbed her head.

* * * *

Jensen returned to find both the dogs waiting for him at the door. Sadie was whining urgently and Harley ran half way to Jared’s bedroom, stopped, barked and kept looking between the bedroom door and Jensen.

“J?” Jensen called, putting the sack with the medication, popsicles, and the Tylenol PM on the counter before hurrying into Jared’s bedroom. He found Jared sitting on the floor of the closet that separated his bedroom and bathroom. “Jared, what’s wrong?” He went straight to him.

“I had to go to the bathroom and got a little woozy on the way back to bed. I figured I’d sit down before I fell down.”

Jensen grabbed Jared’s arms and pulled him to his feet, wrapping one arm around his waist as he slung one of Jared’s arms over his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get you back in bed.”

“I’m sorry, Jen.”

“For what?”

“I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with me like this.”

“You’d do it for me.”

“I would. I totally would.”

Jensen helped Jared into the bed and tucked him in.

“Maybe I should call Genevieve back. She could come over and be my nursemaid and then you could go to set tomorrow and get some work done.”

“You at a point with her that you’re comfortable with that?” Jensen asked, feeling his gut knot up at the thought of her in their house.

“I guess I’ll find out.” Jared rubbed his face. “God, I feel awful.”

“It would be an excellent test of a relationship.”

“Yeah.”

“Would you rather . . . you know . . . have her here? I totally understand if—”

“Honestly? No,” Jared interrupted. “I’m just trying not to be a selfish bastard.”

“Dude, shut up. I don’t think that getting sick constitutes being selfish. Besides, I live here, man. Wouldn’t it be more of an inconvenience to her?”

“I suppose so.”

“Quit being so thoughtful and just be sick. You let me worry about the rest.”

Jared smiled. “Thanks, Jen.”

“Don’t mention it. Now…” he started back toward the kitchen, “… I’ve got your medicine and those popsicles.”

Jared watched Jensen with blurry eyes. Truthfully, he’d much rather have Jensen here than Genevieve. He was trying to be stoic, but what he really wanted more than anything else was for Jensen to lie down with him, so he could curl up against him and get some sleep.

He wasn’t sure when he got to the point where he didn’t sleep well without Jensen beside him, but that was the plain fact now. The first time he fell asleep in Jensen’s bed, it had been unintentional – he had simply just fallen asleep. At first he thought it was the bed itself, that somehow it was more comfortable. He was surprised that Jensen didn’t boot him out. The next time, he told himself he was just being sociable, and he did mean to just close his eyes and doze a little. The third time, he almost asked if Jensen wanted to trade beds, but it had been a long day on set and Jensen was asleep almost immediately and Jared didn’t want to move. By the end of the second week, Jared knew it was Jensen that helped him sleep; it had nothing to do with the bed at all.

By the end of the month, he had stopped analyzing it. He wasn’t gay. He liked women, really liked having sex with them, liked how they felt small and delicate to him, how their skin was soft and they were warm and pliable and they smelled good. He knew all of this. Dating women wasn’t some knee-jerk reaction to cover up some kind of latent homosexuality. He wasn’t gay. But he loved Jensen. Jensen made him happy, made him laugh, made him not miss his home so much, made him feel accepted and comfortable and loved for who he was, quirks and all. He didn’t have to try hard with Jensen, things just . . . worked. The fact that Jensen was a guy was incidental. The fact that Jensen was fucking beautiful probably helped things along a little.

“Here you go,” Jensen said as he returned, handing Jared an orange Popsicle and opening the cough syrup and the pill bottle for the decongestant.

Jared dutifully took the medication, cringing at the taste of the cough syrup, then sucked on the Popsicle. He closed his eyes and sighed as Jensen laid a cool cloth on his forehead.

“That feels good,” Jared murmured.

“I think your fever is breaking,” Jensen answered, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I was thinking—”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe I should sleep up here tonight. I can sleep on the couch. You know, just in case you need something. I won’t be able to hear you from my bedroom.”

“Do you think I’m contagious?”

“Maybe. It doesn’t really matter since we’ve been in each other’s face all day. I’m overdosing on vitamin C and I took zinc too. I’ll be okay.”

“Would you mind sleeping in here with me?” Jared asked. He knew he probably sounded and looked pathetic, but at this point, he really didn’t care.

“No, J. I wouldn’t mind at all.” He stood up. “You get some rest and I’m going to read for a bit and put the dogs out. I’ll come to bed soon.”

Jared smiled. “Thanks, Jen.”

Jensen just smiled and patted Jared on the leg as he exited the bedroom.

* * * *

Jared felt the bed dip and he blinked as his eyes opened. Jensen had turned on the lamp on his side of the bed and was wearing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He propped himself up on a couple of pillows resting against the headboard, crossed his legs at the ankles, and began reading as he sipped a cup of herbal tea.

Jared didn’t move, he just watched Jensen for a while. He felt so content despite being sick. His eyelids felt heavy, and he closed his eyes again and drifted back to sleep.

Jensen looked down at Jared. He reached out and gently brushed his hair out of his face and felt his forehead with the back of his hand. He nodded when it felt cool to the touch, then he rolled over and turned out the light.

* * * *

Jared woke in the middle of the night. He peeled the sheets and blankets back and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He felt woozy, both from being sick and from the cough syrup, which he swore must have had a fifth of Jack in it, or something.

Jensen, sensing Jared’s movement, woke up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jared rasped. His voice was shot now too. “Gotta take a leak.”

Jensen climbed out of bed. “I’ll walk you there.”

“Dude, it’s like thirty feet.”

“Yeah, and last time you almost passed out. Quit whinin’.” He stood in front of Jared. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

Jensen helped Jared up and walked with him to the bathroom. He kept his hand on Jared’s back, just in case.

Jared steadied himself with one hand on the counter as he stood in front of the toilet. “Okay, I got it from here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Truth was, he felt shaky as all hell and his head was swimming.

Jensen stepped just outside the bathroom door, but kept one eye on Jared’s back, just in case. Something in the way Jared was standing made Jensen uneasy, and sure enough, when he stepped back inside the bathroom, Jared began to waver.

“I got ya,” Jensen said quietly into Jared’s ear. Jared didn’t answer; he just nodded. “My eyes are closed,” Jensen added, “so no need to feel—”

Just then, Jared’s head dropped back to Jensen’s shoulder and he let out a small moan as he let loose with a warm stream that arched into the toilet. Jensen was holding Jared upright, one arm around his waist, his hand on his chest, and the other hand on Jared’s hip. Jared’s free hand fell to Jensen’s hip and Jensen shivered a little.

His heart literally felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. It was like his body was functioning without his consent – he turned his head so that his mouth was almost touching Jared’s neck and he stepped in closer. What the fuck was wrong with him to be taking advantage of his best friend like this? Jared was barely coherent, sick, weak, and he . . . he was contemplating things that he shouldn’t be contemplating, while his friend was taking a piss, no less.

He gritted his teeth and froze where he was. The temptation to kiss and touch was almost more than he could take. Slowly, Jared lifted his head and shook himself off, then tucked himself back inside his pajama pants. Jensen loosened his grip and thanked God that Jared didn’t turn on the light when they came in the bathroom, because he could feel the heat on his cheeks.

Jared turned around slowly grasping sloppily at Jensen's t-shirt. “Take me back to bed,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Okay,” Jensen responded, his voice not sounding much better than Jared’s. He walked him back slowly, and tucked him in, then rounded the bed and climbed back in himself.

“Under the covers,” Jared whispered hoarsely.

“J…”

“Under the covers,” Jared repeated.

Jensen climbed underneath the covers. No sooner than he was settled, Jared slid over and wrapped around him.

“Felt good,” he murmured.

“What?” Jensen asked quietly.

“You're warm. It felt good.”

Jensen swallowed and closed his eyes. “Sleep, J.”

“Okay.”

* * * *

Jensen was having another one of his dreams. It was one of those that left him hard and aching and needy in the middle of the night, causing him to jerk off in the bathroom, and leaving him raw and kind of empty inside, afterward. This one felt particularly real: the hair beneath his hand, the warmth of Jared’s skin seeping deep into his bones, the urge to touch all of him at once, taste and squeeze and bite and suck until he could do no more. He felt pinned down, confined, and that made it all the more hot.

“Jen,” a voice whispered to him.

He arched his back and tossed his head. Fuck he was hard, like he was on the verge.

Jared looked at Jensen with blurry eyes. His friend was having a dream, one hell of a dream by the looks of it. Honestly, it was the sexiest thing Jared had ever seen. He closed his eyes and swallowed as one of Jensen’s hands fisted his hair and the other slid down over the curve of his ass.

“Jesus Christ,” Jared groaned, already hard himself even though he felt like he could barely hold his head up.

Jensen’s hard dick pressed into Jared’s hip and his own was responding with marked enthusiasm. Jared buried his face in Jensen’s neck and tasted his skin with a tentative swipe of his tongue.

“God J,” Jensen murmured, and Jared’s heart stopped.

The dream was about him. Jensen was having an erotic dream _about him_. Jensen wasn’t the only one. Jared had been having these kinds of dreams and fantasies about Jensen for a while now. He wanted to kiss him so bad, but he was so sick and his mouth tasted so gross. It was a supreme effort to move but he did, sliding halfway on top of Jensen and sliding his hand up underneath Jensen’s t-shirt.

“Wake up, Jen,” he said quietly. “It’s not a dream, it’s real. Wake up.”

Jensen gasped and tried to sit up, but he was pinned down by Jared’s weight. With the dawning realization that he had his best friend on top of him and he was hard as a rock, Jensen felt like he couldn’t breathe. He just stared at Jared.

“It’s not a dream,” Jared repeated. He reached up and touched Jensen’s face. “I wanna kiss you so bad, but I’m so sick.”

Jensen didn’t say anything.

“I know you were dreaming about me, Jen. You said my name; you called me ‘J’ like you always do. It’s okay, I want this too.”

“You’re too sick for this,” Jensen finally responded in a hoarse voice.

“You’re not going to leave me like this are you?” Jared asked, pressing his hard cock against Jensen’s thigh. “Because that would be totally uncool.”

Jensen didn’t move or speak.

Jared turned Jensen’s face toward him. “Hey, you’re the one that got me in this state. Don’t be a prick-tease, dude.”

Finally, Jensen snapped out of it. This wasn’t how he thought it would happen. Actually, he never thought it would happen at all, but it had. The cat was out of the bag now, and his wishful suspicions had been confirmed. Jared wanted him as much as he wanted Jared.

And Jared was too damn sick to do much about it. Figures.

Jensen rolled Jared to his back as he sat up and pulled off his t-shirt. Suddenly his skin felt too tight and too hot. He stripped his pajama pants off and reached down and pulled Jared’s down around his ankles. He climbed on top of Jared and lined their bodies up and started rolling his hips.

Jared moaned and tilted his head back, exposing the long, tantalizing line of his throat. The temptation to mark up that throat was almost more than Jensen could take – only the thought of Jared having to explain the marks gave him pause. Jensen pushed Jared’s t-shirt up so he could get to the bare flesh of his chest, and he licked and sucked and bit, hard enough to make Jared squirm, but not hard enough to mar his skin.

This was uncharted territory. Sure he’d fantasized about Jared, but he’d never been with a guy before. When Jared reached in between them and grasped them both in his large hand, Jensen couldn’t stop the moan that broke loose.

“Yeah, like that, J. Just like that,” he whispered hoarsely as he thrust into Jared’s fist.

Jared was moving like a snake beneath him, hips rolling and back arching and his rough voice whispered encouragement. Jared’s large hand was on the back of his head, his mouth doing wicked things to Jensen’s neck and shoulder.

“Wanna kiss you so fucking bad, but I can’t,” Jared murmured.

“Goddamn, J,” Jensen groaned. “I’m so fucking close, so close.”

“Me too, me too. Fuck, just a little more, a little more. Don’t you go without me, Jen. Don’t you fucking do it.”

Jensen gritted his teeth and held on, thrusting harder, adding one of his own hands to Jared’s, sliding it down beneath Jared’s legs.

That was all it took. Jensen felt Jared’s body go rigid beneath him, and heard a rasping moan shake loose. He followed Jared over the edge, cursing as he spilled between them, then he lowered himself to rest on Jared for a minute.

“Jesus,” Jensen murmured.

“Yeah,” Jared responded hoarsely.

After a few minutes, Jensen squirmed. It was getting uncomfortable. He extracted himself from Jared’s limbs and climbed out of bed, returning with a warm, wet cloth after cleaning himself up. He wiped down Jared's stomach and groin before tossing the washcloth back in the bathroom and returning to bed. He pulled Jared’s t-shirt back down and his pajama bottoms back up.

“Just take them off,” Jared whispered sleepily.

“Don’t want you to catch a chill,” Jensen answered. He left his own pajamas off and climbed back beneath the covers. He gathered Jared back into his arms and closed his eyes. “Sleep now.”

“Yeah.”

* * * *

Jensen spent the next day cuddling with Jared, when he wasn’t either feeding him or the dogs or administering cough syrup. They spent the entire day on the couch, watching movies on TiVO. When Jared fell asleep, Jensen watched Jared. They didn’t talk about what happened the night before, but Jared took Jensen by the hand and led him to his bedroom that night, and they slept wrapped up in each other. By the third day, Jensen begrudgingly went to location. Jared was doing better, and certainly able to fend for himself even if he was banned from set.

On day four, Jensen came in the door, feeling like he was dragging his ass behind him. Jensen shot some of his scenes and some with Misha and did as much filming as possible without Jared there. The smell of marinara sauce and Italian sausage drifted to his nose as he hung up his jacket by the door.

“You got dinner?”

“I ordered from that Italian restaurant that you like. They delivered.”

“How are you feeling?” Jensen asked as he stooped to pet the dogs on his way into the house.

“A little worse for wear, but ready to go back to work,” Jared said with a grin. “Hey. I’ve got something for you.”

Jensen looked up just as Jared stepped into his space. “Yeah? What’s that?”

“This,” Jared said quietly, and he leaned in and slid one hand around the back of Jensen’s neck, then kissed him slow and deep.

Jensen tossed his keys, they barely hit the counter, and then slid both of his hands around Jared’s waist as he opened his mouth. Jared tasted like the orange mint toothpaste he used and something else . . . orange Popsicle, maybe? He pulled Jared flush to him, hands sliding into Jared’s loose pants and grasping his taut, round ass. The moan that came from Jared made Jensen pull him closer.

As they pulled apart, Jared leaned his forehead against Jensen’s. “Our first kiss,” he murmured with a smile.

“It was a damn good one,” Jensen responded, smiling as well.

“You know what I want to do after we eat dinner?”

“What?”

“Make out on the sofa until we’re both about to come in our pants.”

Jensen chuckled and shook his head. “You’re such a romantic.”

“I know,” Jared said. “Of course things will progress further.”

“Of course.”

“I think I want to try giving a blow job. I mean, I’ve had enough of them, I’m pretty sure I know what to do.”

“So I’m your guinea pig?”

“Yep.”

“Whatever you want, J.”

“That’s why I love you, Jen. You’re so agreeable.”

Jensen laughed and Jared took him by the hand and led him into the living room.

Life was complicated. Jensen had often thought about this before. He wasn't sure what he and Jared had been doing, or not doing, before this. Their relationship had evolved in ways that he couldn't track; but then again, he didn't think it really mattered how it happened. There were times when Jensen couldn't believe his luck, and there were times when he just took things as they came and was thankful. He didn't know where things would end up, but for right now, things were just fine by him.

~Finis


End file.
